Allow me to give a little back story to this adventure. All my life I've been called Todd, which is my middle name. My first name is Randall, so naturally work, school, and law officials know me by that name. So about 4 years ago I switch from signing my name as Todd Nelson, to R Nelson. Just for the sake of getting people to shut the hell up when they question my signature. Alas, my efforts in vain, a clerk at Barnes and Noble is keen enough to pick up that 2 signatures don't match. I wish I was as smart as her… here we go.

I was minding my own business in Barnes and Noble, picking out my items and such. I find the two books that I'm going to purchase and make my way up to the register. After I shuffle in line for a few minutes it finally becomes my turn. I hand her my books, and she says (pointing out 'A Confederacy of Dunces') "Great book". I agree and swipe my card. She kindly asks for my signature and I oblige. I start putting my card back into my wallet, and she stops me saying she needs to look at the card to match my signature on the back. I have just gotten this card yesterday in the mail, so I explain to her that I just got it yesterday and that I have yet to sign it. She says there is no problem and that she just needs to see my ID. I hand her the card and my ID and she stops, looks up at me, and looks back down. I think to myself… "Wow, she's actually looking at the picture." But she gives a weird look and tells me, "Ummm, sir... The signature on your ID doesn't match the signature you gave me." I give a little laugh and say, "Yeah, I got that ID 4 years ago when I turned 17, I've changed the way I sign my name due to some complications of me using my middle name all the time."

She again, gives me a baffled look and says, "Well, if the signature doesn't match, we're not allowed to let you use this card." This time its me that is baffled and actually getting rather irritated. I tell her to look at the name on the card and that could prove without a doubt that it's my card and there is no problem. "You see sir; it is store policy to not allow people to use a card that they can't match the signature of." By this time I am rather ticked off, and I can't even believe what this lady is telling me. So I decide to take decisive action. With a rather firm and slightly louder tone tell her, "Listen, as you can see, I have changed my signature within the last 4 years of getting that drivers license. But if you could kindly look at the name on the ID where it says, Randall Todd Nelson, and then pick up the credit card and read the name on that which says Randall T Nelson. Perhaps we can come to a mutual agreement that it is in fact, my card." She immediately becomes defensive and says that she can not sell me these items for I have no proof that this is actually my credit card, and that she needs to get the manager to confirm what she is telling me. I am absolutely distraught this time, she is telling me that despite the fact that I have undeniable proof that I am the card holder, since I changed my signature within the last 3 years, I can't use that card. She calls the manager over as I am about to go berserk. The clerk tells the manager in a very low tone that the signatures didn't match and she doesn't know what to do since I am refusing to allow her to not allow me to make my purchase. The manager tells me that if the signature doesn't match they aren't allowed to use the card.

Now my friends, I am a completely patient individual. My close friends have maybe only seen me truly angry once, perhaps twice. But I was boiling over with anger by this time. So I do something which I kind of regret doing now, since I'm not one to yell at clerks. I hated putting up with people's bullshit when I worked retail, so I try my best to be nice to them. I yelled almost as loud as I could, trying to get it into their thick skulls that they are being absolutely insane. I believe my rant went something like this. "So listen to what you people are telling me, since I just got my card yesterday, and have yet to sign the back of it. You are using my drivers license to determine what my signature looks like." Both of them nod. "So, you've determined that since the signatures do not match, you can not sell me this item for you have no proof that it is me?" The manager tells me yes and starts saying something about store policy. I interrupt her, "Okay, so you are telling me, that I stole a both a credit card, and a drivers license of someone named Randall Todd Nelson, who looks exactly like me in the picture, and is also about 5'7 with green eyes." No sir, we're just trying to say… I cut her off at this point saying, "Alright, so you've determined that it is my drivers license and that I stole a credit card from someone that is also named Randall T Nelson, and as I'm doing this I come up with the fantastic idea of going to Barnes and Noble and ripping my name twin Randall T Nelson off of 28 dollars and 32 cents worth of books?!?" The manager must have been struck with a feeling of how retarded she is, or felt sorry for me almost losing my voice, one or the other; because she hands me my card and ID, and tells me to have a nice day. I take then and walk out without saying a word.