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THURSDAY, MARCH 13, 2008 (4:33 PM) Return to LVbianSynic's blog
CON-text: Fear of The Con, Revisited
(I'm feeling cynical)


    Herman Melville, author of Moby Dick, wrote a    
lesser-known work titled The Confidence-Man about a con man prowling a steamboat on April Fool's Day while it makes its way toward 1850's New Orleans.   

    The passengers are: "men of business and men of pleasure; parlor men and backwoodsmen; farm-hunters and fame-hunters; heiress-hunters, gold-hunters, buffalo-hunters, bee-hunters, happiness-hunters, truth-hunters, and still keener hunters after all these hunters."  Their various reactions to the man's attempts to test their confidence illustrate what Melville considered to be the human masquerade, forcing the reader to question the foundation of her own trusting nature.

   It is satire, rife with lessons on sincerity, morality, religiosity, economic materialism, irony, and alas...cynicism.                       
 
    I'm familiar with the "con" character.  A year ago,
I did a vlog titled "Fear of the Con" about my father- how it was that our relationship compelled me to ask many of the questions Melville, perhaps, wanted his readers to ponder. 

   Why do we trust who we trust and what do we get out of it that we're not exactly honest with ourselves about?  That's a biggie. 

   And the question I've long since answered that Melville never ventured to explore: Can you still have a relationship with someone (even love them) and not trust them as far as you can throw them?  I've found the answer to be yes, you can.

  But it's not long before you realize you can't keep it up without sacrificing your own integrity.   Some of us, however,  only see it in retrospect.  WE are the fools, no matter how much we profess to be guarded by some interior, steeled-up fortress. 

  WE are always the last ones we tell our deeper truths to.


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Posted Mar 14, 08 by LVbianSynic
Wow. So much wisdom in these comments. Thanks to you all.

Posted Mar 14, 08 by PyperMarru1      (  )
Yes, you can have a relationship, but NO to the love. My ego is way to big to love someone I do not trust. It would never manifest into love. Except: family, I love my family but there are a few that I wouldn't trust with more talk then "hey, how have you been"

Posted Mar 14, 08 by BlancheNoE      (  )
Yes. If we are created in God's image, or if God is created in OUR image,..he/she should expect us to give as well as we get, and yes, we can love those that we don't trust, but I don't think we have to compromise our integrity to do it. I think we just need to know what we can and cannot expect of them. Example : I have a family member who I know I can trust to be funny, generous with beer,
and most importantly, laugh at all my jokes. I also know that if I'm in real trouble and need help or just to talk, I can count on her to go on and on about how much harder she has it than me or even make up an excuse to avoid me completely. Solution : I don't go to her for help. For years I would help her with anything even though the relationship was one sided in that aspect. I did finally learn to find my own excuses when calls for my help so that now, I don't feel the resentment I once did, though if we met at the pearly gates,
I'm not sure I'd admit to knowing her,..hmm,..re-thinking.

Posted Mar 14, 08 by CallMeHol      (  )
Had to think about this for a bit... can we have a relationship with someone and not trust them? Yeah, we have to accept who we know that person to be and lovingly keep strong boundaries with them. So that means that our vulnerability is low and maybe there's not so much intimacy there. If we know who they are and let the boundaries down anyways, then yeah, we're the fools. If the damage isn't so bad, then I'm thinking that being a fool at times isn't such a bad thing. One thing I know... if we love at all then we're gonna be fools over and over, and make fools of others in the same way... "the joke is passed around pretty liberally"... its good to develop some tenderness about the whole thing. Thanks Syd, for the thought-provokingness.

Posted Mar 13, 08 by baileykix
Can you have a relationship with someone you don't trust? I refuse to. I've also not spoken to certain family members in years based on such principle.

Posted Mar 13, 08 by TLDavis
To paraphrase: "Can you love someone you don't trust?" Of course, but only family can do you like that. Everyone else you can keep at a distance and wish ill. You have to pull for family even when you know the con is ongoing. (does it sound too much like I am very familiar with this?)
TL

Posted Mar 13, 08 by LVbianSynic
chitowchill: I hear ya. There are things I do or say on here that I've never done offline, and my friends would be surprised to see it, too. I have a friend who has a theory that we are closer to who we were meant to be on here than in our offline lives because this gives us more room to experiment with our personalities- try on new skins, take risks, etc. Offline, we get too stuck in roles with people.

investigate2: Thanks for the quote. I LOVE Lily Tomlin.

B4Salk: Yeah, I can smell a con coming a day before he gets here.

Posted Mar 13, 08 by investigate2      (  )
"I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework" Lily Tomlin
Thank you my friend, have to be with this question for awhile before I can answer it.....
I think I just told a story about myself in that one sentence!
Susan
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