Blog: BaronDixon on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Male
Status: Taken
Age: 48
Sign: Pisces
City: Phoenix, AZ
State: Arizona
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2009

February

Coping With Someone with Borderline ...

2008

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2009 (5:04 PM)

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Coping With Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

(I'm feeling Exasperated)

This is what I'm currently reading...and RE-reading! It's quite the eye-opener!

This is an EXCELLENT book on how to effectively cope when you find yourself in the gunsights of a loved one or friend with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). While BPD's often experience Bipolar Disorder as a companion affliction, BPD is characterized by a random and chaotic "Jeckyll-and-Hyde" split in the way the subject relates to those around her. People are either extremely wonderful, or extremely bad. Born of feelings of worthlessness and abandonment issues stemming from early childhood abuse(physical,emotional and/or sexual)/neglect, a Borderline's "split" can be triggred at anytime by a real or imagined "wrong" committed by whoever upon whom she has become emotionally dependent. Accusations fly freely from such individuals, who live in a private hell of an eternal "now", and will act impulsively to avoid feelings of emptiness, abandonment and self-loathing, often projecting their own self/other-destructive behaviors onto those for whom they care. Alternately, the Borderline will adore the same person to the extreme of idolization, mostly to assuage the fear of abandonment by the person she attacked.

Splitting is a mental mechanism in which the self or others are reviewed as all good or all bad, with failure to integrate the positive and negative qualities of self and others into cohesive images. Often the subject alternately idealizes and devalues the same person. From a psychoanalytic point of view, splitting is fundamental to borderline personality disorder, and underlies the dramatic shifts in the person's experience of self and others and their difficulty in finding a stable adaptation to life.

The one word that best characterizes the borderline condition is "instability." Their emotions are unstable, fluctuating wildly for no discernible reason. Their thinking is unstable - rational and clear at times, quite psychotic at other times. Their behavior is unstable - often with periods of excellent conduct, high efficiency and trustworthiness alternating with outbreaks of babyishness, suddenly quitting a job, withdrawing into isolation, failing.
Their self-control is unstable - ranging from the extreme self denial of anorexia to being at the mercy of impulses. And their relationships are unstable. They may sacrifice themselves for others, only to reach their limit suddenly and fly into rageful reproaches, or they may curry favor with obedient submission only to rebel, out of the blue, in a tantrum.

Because of the hellish chaos of their inner turmoil, Borderlines have extreme control issues, employing an arsenal of tactics to control, manipulate and demoralize those close to them--all to keep such people from leaving them, which is their primary fear. To protect their own long-shattered egos, they will accuse others of the very same controlling, manipulative and demoralizing behavior that they themselves have committed upon those whom they accuse. It is not uncommon for the Borderline to embark upon a distortion campaign against someone in order to rally public support for the villification of the person whom she has demonized in a split. Such supporters usually have absolutely no clue as to the truely insidious nature of the disorder that motivates these smear campaigns.

Ever feel like you're being tag-teamed two different versions of one person, or one person who sees you in two different ways with no visible reason? I have. More times than I care to reveal. BPD affects about 20 million Americans...and they all seem to find ME! When I learned of BPD, I started investigating it for myself. There are no Public Service Announcements on TV for BPD, unlike those for Bipolar Disorder or Depression, so I fear that many people don't know about BPD through normal channels. They gotta find out the hard and painful way like I have...by KNOWING someone.

The following is the criteria listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Psychiatric Disorders, Fourth Edition (1994) for Borderline Personality Disorder:

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

The Good News and the Bad News I've Learned From This Book:

Good News: None of it is my fault. Although by action or inaction I may have triggered a "split" , I did not cause the condition of BPD, of which splitting is characteristic. I do not have to take a Bordeline's accusations, insults, and distortion campaigns personally...nor do I have to accept their idolization at face value (although it is often irresistible...that's their hook). I have the right to set boundaries for behaviors I will and will not tolerate from a Borderline. BPD CAN be treated with the right kinds of psychotherapy, cognitive behavior modifications and sometimes antipsychotic drugs.

Bad News: I can't be a real "friend" to a Bordeline. At best I can be an enabler, at worst, a codependent. There is nothing I can do to help a Borderline, as much as I would like. The Borderline has to WANT to seek help. But it is a catch-22 paradox. To admit to suffering from BPD, the Borderline risks reinforcing feelings of worthlessness, which causes unbearable stress on the subject. They'll often lash out at their therapists and quit treatment.

The only thing I can change...is MY behavior in response to a Borderline. ...and sometimes that means discontinuing my association with the individual--for BOTH our sakes.

If you're curious about BPD, just Google "Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)" and you'll find a wealth of information. Enter the same thing into YouTube's search engine and you'll find some excellent Vlogs, both by therapists, AND sufferers of BPD, where you can learn what its like on the INSIDE of this terrifying disorder. If you suffer from BPD yourself, or think that you might be a possible candidate, you may see yourself in these vlogs and know that you are not alone.

Category: Friends

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Posted Apr 9, 09 by BaronDixon
To CANCER1DAYATATIME: I hope you enjoy the book! I'd love to hear from you after you've read it and swap thoughts about it! Another similar book is "I Hate You/Don't Leave Me!", but "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is a more recent and thorough publication. I got the most out of that one since it also lists coping strategies.

Posted Mar 8, 09 by cancer1dayatatime (

)
I will be sure and read this one .I have several people who I see in this discription. I had been confussed since they could not see this in themselves.
Ty 4 sharing.

Posted Sep 9, 08 by BaronDixon
No, Beth, I don't think you're BPD. While I've noticed you have some down days (based on some of your Vlogs), you don't exhibit the Jeckyll/Hyde splits that characterize Borderline Personality Disorder. And not everyone with low self-esteem is a candidate for BPD. I'm glad that you found some useful stuff in my Blog though.

Also, one of the problems surrounding the "stigma" of BPD in the psychiatric community is that a lot of therapists don't want to work with BPD patients. Sometime they'll deliberately misdiagnose a difficult patient as being BPD as a red flag to other therapists.

If you're curious, though, Beth, definitely check out the book I feature in the Blog. It was a really big help to me in both giving me an in-depth understanding of BPD, and the tolls with which to deal with a sufferer, so I don't hafta suffer as well!

Posted Jul 28, 08 by GateGod (

)
Baron, You know you have my full support my friend!

Anytime you need me to talk, just let me know.

Peace,
Dale :O)

Posted Jul 27, 08 by FLYGIRL053060
Thanx for giving me your time!! I wish you peace!

Glitter Graphics - GlitterLive.com

Posted Jul 27, 08 by BaronDixon
TO FLYGIRL: No I don't suffer from BPD. But I know a few people who DO. So I'm speaking from the exasperated point of view of someone whose life can be thrust into a confusing emotional turmoil upon getting involved on an emotional level with a BPD sufferer--because they're very good at making it all YOUR FAULT. I brought one such person onto this site (before I realized they were BPD!) and several friends have been wondering why this individual was suddenly attacking me. I posted this Blog as a primer for them to understand the nature of that with which I am having to contend, and to point them to various resources where they can get further information. Like the book shown above. My mother-in-law is BPD, so is an ex-girlfriend of mine, as well as former co-worker at a foundry where I worked for many years. SO I have been forced to be somewhat of an expert on BPD just to keep MYSELF from going bonkers around these people!

Posted Jul 27, 08 by FLYGIRL053060 (

)
Ok Baron
1st good to see you
2d are you telling us something ??
are you suffering from this?? because we are here to help if you need us .. smile.. and if not then im an idiot!! lol
However it is very interesting

Posted Jul 26, 08 by BaronDixon
In the case of Borderline Personality Disorder the causes of low-self-esteem are pretty extreme, which is one of the reasons it results in such extreme behavior patterns, but for the rest of us who have wrestled with self-esteem issues, it basically stems from being sold a bill of goods early on in life that convinced us that we were of less value than everyone else. The young mind cannot judge the quality of the information it's getting, so it adpats to the information it has, even if it's BAD information. And there's nothing more dangerous than an intelligent person with bad information. The secret is to pull one's blinders out to realize that as a child he did the best he could to survive under abberant circumstances, but that as an adult, they can look at their childhood in a whole new light, and ultimately forgive their tormenters for their ignorance, and themselves for buying into the abuse. Once that is achieved, it is easier to move forward and CHOOSE happiness for oneself.

Posted Jul 26, 08 by wheresthesea (

)
yes that was very interesting. I don't think I know anyone with it, well except Princess Diana was supposed to have it. I am interested in low esteem issues though, I don't know why anyone has low self esteem, what makes them think they are not worthy or as 'good' as anyone else. I think I'm ok lol and wish everyone else thought they were. Its sad to see people not enjoying their life because they don't feel worthy or some such crap.