Blog: anotherbrianne on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Female
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Age: 25
Sign: Capricorn
City: East Van
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FRIDAY, APRIL 4, 2008 (1:50 PM)

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defeat

Spur of the moment venting:

When I feel defeated I remind myself to stay strong. Stay strong Brianne! Don't let these fuckers allow you to feel fucking inferior. This is what they think and no matter how wonderful you are, they're gonna think what they think of you.

They're ignoring the crap out of me and when I try to include myself, I receive these eyebrows. Not adams' sexy eyebrows, but judging -unimpressed judging- eyebrows.

Why do they treat eachother the way they treat eachother and then treat me so differently? And no, they are not jealous. they don't find me threatening. They find me an uncouth, ghettofabulous and stupid. I don't deserve their fucking respect. Well, I should deserve it, but they deny me of this and I really shouldn't care, but I do.

I'm not giving up. I don't want you to tell me I'm smart, or strong, or to fuck what they think... I know all these things. I'm just saying that things are difficult and I'm tired.

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Posted Apr 11, 08 by dreamcatcher
It took me a long time to learn the economics of pain. What value do these people have to you? Do you need to deal with them? What are the advantages of interacting with them? What are the deficits? If these people serve no positive value to you, it is best to put your energy somewhere else. I have found that it makes no difference if people are better than you. What is the advantages of comparing yourself? Would you spend all your time and energy at parady with someone you don't even like, or enjoy someone you do? I travel through life with a backpack filled with experience, wisdom, and self knowlege. I don't weigh myself down with things that do me no good. I leave the garbage at the side of the road, and never look back.

Posted Apr 10, 08 by StankyGeesehouse (

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People are assholes plain and simple. I don't think it's that they think they're better than you though... it's that they have so many issues that they take it out on you. When I'm the most stressed I tend to be the biggest bitch also when I'm feeling the most insecure and down on myself... I pick at those things on other people. Like I think my ass is fat or something stupid so I find all the girls that are fatter than me. You know what I mean? It's life people do it and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I've been in those situations plenty of times... I feel like I'm always on the outside with no one to talk or turn to and when I try they just look at me like I'm a moron. I don't believe that they find you uncouth nor ghettofabulous... not sure what their issue is but it's way beyond you... it's within themselves.

Posted Apr 6, 08 by fuzzypurpleroses (

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Part III

but the path you take will provide new tools, new means for people to take strength and rebuild.

Posted Apr 6, 08 by fuzzypurpleroses (

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Part II

to take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your experience, to take courage in others' success and survival (though I'll admit that there is a risk, at times, of just getting pissed off when you encounter these stories). _Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom_ by bell hooks was good, I thought, in this vein also.

I hope that you will always continue in the struggle, for this provides encouragement both for those who think of trying to pursue the same course and those who have experienced the same struggle; to see anyone fall in this struggle can be painful to see. It can be hard to face this kind of ostracism, particularly when our own communities often find it hard to give the kind of appreciation and support we need in these struggles. It seems that many of those who are looked down upon by such people take on a kind of antiintellectualism, being rejected, they reject in their own turn,

Posted Apr 6, 08 by fuzzypurpleroses (

)
We all get a little tired sometimes. . . It is important, always, to keep fighting, and gather around you those you can find that will support you. I'm coming to view the university system as a long, complex hazing process--universities are norm-transmitting institutions, and those of different races or classes, those having norms or experience different from those of the dominant society experience a great deal of pressure. Some reading I have done (_Who Rules America?_ by G William Dumhoff) suggests that those who make it to the very top are often co-opted, succumbing to these pressures, but how can the system be changed if people succumb. Many of those who make it through without folding are left with feelings of bitterness and anger to struggle with--myself, for instance. . . there is also a book I've heard of, and intend to read, _Strangers in Paradise_ edited by Jake Ryan and Charles Sackrey, detailing others stories in this. It can help sometimes to hear others' stories,

Posted Apr 5, 08 by MasterOfTheControl
I didn't know I was best friends with an inferior defeatists this whole time! Fuck. Now that looks bad on me!

Posted Apr 4, 08 by LVbianSynic (

)
This message is for THEM

Posted Apr 4, 08 by TLDavis
I know you don't want any of that supportive shit, I wouldn't either. I will say that I can't tell you how many times in writer's circles, even by God, in the Western Writers of America circles, I get that look-- that: "Stupid cowboy motherF***** look. It just pisses me off and makes me try harder to do better to make them eat it. You see, they are all professors of history and I am not. I am a blue collar, hands on, hard working dude that doesn't belong in their club.
And yes, I want their acceptance and if I can't get it, by God I will take it, or do so well they will want mine.
TL

Posted Apr 4, 08 by lima (

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but bri.... are you really defeated? guess its all in how you wanna think... I think... usually people who make a point to bring you down, are the ones that seem to have the personal issues, they would rather push their issues on you... instead of facing their problems head on...

oh yeah, fight club rules!
rule number twenty three.... if it brings you down or makes you sick to your stomach... why bother subjecting yourself to it? =) love ya!