Blog: Ilavakamehtnod on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Male
Age: 20
Sign: Scorpio
City: Pennsylvania
State: Pennsylvania
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SATURDAY, APRIL 19, 2008 (9:42 PM)

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Fuck it.

(I'm feeling Unappreciated)

This is gonna be a rant blog because right now I'm really just sick and tired of shit as it is. It's just like no matter what the fuck I do my life is always ultimately a pile of shit and I always get treated like a fuckin piece of shit. Over the past year I have been busting my ass and going above and beyond what the fuck I have to do all the fuckin time and I'm not a person who does shit for recognition and I don't go about telling people oh I did this or I did this for like "cool points" or whatever. I do shit for me and to better myself, to get shit done right. At the same time I also have an extremely laid back demeanor when I'm not doing shit, which somehow gives people the impression I am lazy. Those two things are not a perfect combination. I mean in school I bust my ass. 5 days a week I'm in the art studio doing this or that, just working on art, and on top of that I don't falter in my other classes and in a usual day I'm in the studio until about 11 o clock just doing art work, then I stay up and do assignments for other classes, check my emails and do other things and that usually keeps me up until about 2 in the morning. I go to sleep waking up at about 7 or 8 depending on the day and do that shit over. after classes I don't nap or anything like that I try my hardest to get my work done and done right. I was on the Dean's list last semester for getting a 3.77 GPA and it would have been a 4.0 if I didn't get a B in one class. but that's a different story.
On top of that I am a part of my school's Fine art Honor society so we do events on the side, we have meetings and plan shit, go places, and we do alot of shit. This semester I have been to Maryland and Harrisburg and Monday I'm going to New York to deliver a totem pole to the United Nations. So why did I tell u all what the fuck I've been doing this past semester, keeping myself busy? Because no matter how much shit I do and I don't want any praises for my work, I do it for myself, not for praises, but the fact is I get treated as if I'm a lazy fuck that doesn't do shit. Not only by the people around me, but by my family. It's fuckin amazing how many of my friends are like "how come u don't go to this party?" and "why don't u hang out with us anymore?" and other shit I don't give a fuck about. I mean I keep myself busy, I'm on a scholarship that's paying for all my shit right now and I'd rather not bullshit around and drink and party anymore. I did that shit at an earlier point in my life and I almost fucked myself over big time because of it. My friends also think I sit around and play video games all fuckin day. I mean i have a PS3 and I barely even play that shit on the weekends because I usually do all my laundry, ironing and cleaning for the week on the weekend. I mean i do sit down every once in awhile and play it and i recently got a PSP so that helps me chill and play games even more, but I mean I really don't get a chance to play my expensive ass PS3 like that.
Along with my friends I have my fellow artists (that's how I'll phrase it) coming at me when we're doing shit, like setting our week on campus up. it was a bust but I played my part all week and these people coming up to me askin me to do all this extra shit, most of which I did but then they make a big fuckin issue when I say no to shit. It's really fucked up. Also nobody's around when shit needs to be set up or taken down so I'm usually the one who is around to do shit by myself. today this happened to me twice, I mean I wasn't alone but I had assistance by people who really shouldn't have had to help me. I know for a fact that the people that didn't help are gonna have more bitching to do come next week.
Now it comes to the family part of this. I'm not gonna get to personal because I usually am a private person. But over the course of this year, I have been told to change my major many times, lectured at, and lectured at time and time again. All the shit I do, doesn't mean shit. I'm called lazy and I'm being told that I need a job right now when I really fuckin don't, I need a break. But this person doesn't wanna hear my shit and doesn't think that I will make it doing what I am. This person is trying to force me to work at this place that will not be beneficial for me in the future and I keep trying to tell this person to stop trying to control my life but the shit doesn't fucking work. This person tries to instill in my head that life is about the paper chase and I know that it is quite the opposite and if puch came to shove I could make money without having a job or doing anything illegal. I know how to make money and I am quite skilled in landscaping, brick laying, cement mixing and a little roofing. So I have no problems right now. I am fully capable and I don't need help and I'm not a lazy bum, I work my ass off but I don't brag about shit and I'm not in it for recognition at this point in my life. I am enjoying the liberties I have and the options I have at this point in my life. This Blog was the best form of catharsis right now because I feel alot better, getting this shit off my chest even if u fucks don't read it (I'm sorry ur not fucks) but my mind is at ease and I think I will sleep now.

Category: Blogging

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Posted Apr 29, 08 by seahorse (

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I feel you 100% on that. I'm working to bring a dream of mine to fruition, and pretty much the standard response from the people around me is that it's a pipe dream and I need to give it up. Keep doing what you're doing. You'll make it happen, then if you're the spiteful type like I am, you can rub everyone's faces in it. j/k ...unless you are that type.

Posted Apr 27, 08 by Kanada (

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top to bottom, start to finish i read this. i liked the part where you said you get bitched at for doing someone else's work and not doing extra stuff. sh*t, we all have our own parts to do and if it so happens to be we do extra, please don't come at our necks because we fulfilled our end and then some. i feel bad you have to do other people's parts of the job when they're not around to do them, thats like me at my school. As for the rents, yep same here. all the talking about doing this and that so we can have a better 'life' in the long run, yeah i don't go for that either. you have your ways, i'm making it my way. this actually inspires me to get out there faster and go get what i want and when someone says something i'd only see it as they're trying to bring me down to their level. and so in end, i'd just like to wish you luck on your journey and hope you do well with the U.N. delivery and uh, please buy Grand Theft Auto IV. <3

Posted Apr 26, 08 by Lindsey-Raye (

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dayyumm... :/

Posted Apr 20, 08 by LVbianSynic (

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It takes those with souls of artists to understand the soul of an artist.
Those who appreciate art will appreciate what you do.

All others deserve a nod and a smile, but nothing more.

Posted Apr 20, 08 by methodofmac
Good luck with everything man, don't worry, things get better.

Posted Apr 19, 08 by superawesomeproductions (

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i read the whole thing. :/
i can't believe our going to NY.
i'm soo happy for you. [:

i am the proud owner of a nintendo wii.