Blog: namtab8002 on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Male
Age: 40
Sign: Leo
State: Oklahoma
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2008

April

hospital
weird laws
news#2
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inventions

March

SUNDAY, APRIL 20, 2008 (7:46 PM)

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hospital

(I'm feeling contemplative)

REFLECTIONS
by
John Holthe
Dating tip for guys#32:
When trying to attract a girl
make sure you turn their heads
and not their stomachs.

Before I get started on this week's journey into madness, I'd like to apologize for not writing a column last week. My computer ran out of something called Virtual Memory, which must the computer version of amnesia, and I had to get it fixed. I'd also like to say "Get well soon!" to my dear friend Bethany Bingham who had to spend a couple of days in the hospital because her stomach wasn't feeling too good. I hope and pray that she will be feeling better by the time this column is printed. I also hope she likes the night-gown I bought her because I had a very interesting adventure in purchasing it.
What happened was this: I went to Wal-mart to buy Bethany some gifts to play with so she can pass the time while she recovers from her tummy troubles and I decided to also buy her a night-gown so she wouldn't have to wear those hospital gowns made by Dr. Seymore Buttz. I was having trouble finding them so I asked a worker, "Where are your Hannah Montana night-gowns?" For some odd reason, the worker replied with, "You mean for little girls??" so I shot back with "No...for middle-aged men." Fortunately, the worker realized she suffered from a dumb blonde moment, laughed and took me to where I needed to go, but not before I made a mental note to send this story to the comedian who does those "Here's your sign" jokes.
That's not the only weird thing that happened during Bethany's hospital stay. I also found out that, if you're in pain, you can take a pain-killer known as Green Lizard. Bethany's dad and I both agreed that Green Lizard sounds like a drink you can order at a bar. In fact, I think at sometime during my college years I actually ordered it once or twice. I also had my own hospital hijinks in the last couple of weeks. I am back in physical therapy and I also did my yearly check-up tests. I scored A's on all of them except my blood test in which I got a B negative..should have studied more, I guess.
I was also tested for tuberculosis which I do not have, I am happy to say. The weird thing about this blood test is that tuberculosis is basically a lung problem, but the test was conducted by my urologist which is a doctor that specializes in bladder and kidney problems. My mom and I couldn't figure out why my urologist would order a lung problem test until we found out that the tuberculosis blood test is called a PPD blood test. We figured that any test that involves "PP" has to fall under the jurisdiction of an urologist.
I also tested my intelligence by seeing how many definitions of words I knew. Here are some of the words I looked up.
1. Gurry: This is a noun that means fishing offal....which sounds like a question one fisherman would ask another fisherman. "Fishing offal?" "No, actually it's been pretty good."
2. Fliting: This a contest where people heap curses on each other...most often held each day in New York City during Rush Hour traffic.
3. Chawbacon: This is a country hick but it sounds like one of the rejected names for the Star Wars character Chewbacca.
4. Cachou:(pronounced kash-oo) is a pill for bad breath, but it sounds like the noise made when you sneeze..."Caaaaa-chou!"
5. Manihot: This is a starch-producing tropical American plant and the same thing I say during the summer, "Manihot! Crank up the air conditioner!"
Well, since I mentioned a dumb londe moment earlier in my column, I think I might end with one, too. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

Category: Life

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Posted Apr 25, 08 by SisterNan (

)
I hope that Bethany is doing better now and that you found her a Hannah Montana night-gown. All the young girls are crazy about her and she seems to be a good role model.