My boyfriend and I were talking last night (as usual) and it got to a very sensitive topic...I started to get a little teary and he asked if I was crying. I said no, because for the last 8 years or so my philosophy has been that crying is a sign of weakness, that it's unnecessary, and if it absolutely must be done it should be done silently, and gotten all out in a maximum of one day, regardless of the issue. If I needed to, like when my last boyfriend broke up with me, I would just sit there in absolute silence while tears fell down on their own accord: no sobbing, no weeping, no noise. And even then, only for a little bit. That's how it's been.
He could tell I was lying, and tried to tell me it was alright...to no avail. And finally, he said "just cry, okay?" I didn't want to, I was holding back just like usual, but he told me it was okay...and for the first time in eight years, I just cried my heart out...I've done so many things that I regret to my very core, and all the tears that I never shed before all came out at once, and I sobbed...until finally, some time later, I calmed down again, and told him he would never hear me cry like that again.
Why was I so hesitant to cry? I've finally figured it out...it's not because I'm afraid of what others would think, I couldn't care less...it's what I think. Since a certain event in my life, I have been desperately telling myself that I am a strong person, that I can handle anything, that I don't need to cry, that I can handle things on my own, without other people's help. That has not changed since last night, and this morning I see myself as weak. As much as I needed to cry, it still feels wrong to me...I can't stand being so weak, so vulnerable. Which is why it will never happen again.
What about you guys? What are your opinions of crying? Do you see it as a weakness, a strength, or what? Why?

Also, today I wrote a poem coinciding with what happened last night, as you might have seen earlier on my bulletin:

On this day I cry
Tears of days gone by
I weep for what I've lost
For my lust had its cost
And you have made me see
The weaker side of me
And I could always hide
That weakness from my mind
But for you I will show
What I refuse to know
My strength is but a mask
To escape a haunting past.

I watched my guards come crashing down
Further than I would permit
And as the tears came raining down
I lost all my defensive wit
I laid there vulnerable and raw
With no escape to fall back to
And rather than retreating in awe
You softly said "I love you"