today i realised that i would wait. all my life i have said that if i'm with a man and for some reason he ends up in some kind of trouble, i would not wait. i always thought i was too weak. my sexual needs are too great and i can only control myself for so long. but today...i realised that i could wait. and i would. that scared me. coz that lead me to realise that i'm really really in love despite my not wanting to be and my fighting it as hard as i can. it's like the more i tell myself i shouldn't be feeling this way, the more i feel this way. what the hell is this guy doing to me! how is it that he still makes my blood boil when he walks into the room? why do i feel wrong when he's not next to me? it's not like i didn't live just fine without him before i met him but now it's like i can't breathe without him. and it sucks! i don't want to be so in love! because man i know if he hurt me, that would be the end of me. that would be it. fuck! i fucking love him. and now i just wanna go and jump his bones! what the hell is that? he's making me hot and bothered and he's not even here!