Blog: RipplingWaters on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 56
Sign: Sagittarius
City: Sask.
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KEEP MY FRIEND IN YOUR PRAYERS

THURSDAY, MAY 29, 2008 (8:54 AM)

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KEEP MY FRIEND IN YOUR PRAYERS

(I'm feeling sad)

Here is an email I got from a Friend of Mine. Please keep her in your Prayers.

Lets all be Grateful for our health. This has made me very sad.

Well, what can I say? The news of this update is not good, I am sorry to tell you. I am faced with a decision that no one should have to make, but due to modern technology, the doctors can tell me what is going on inside of my body, but yet, for all of their knowledge, sophistication and gadgets, they can’t tell me what to do because they don’t know what to do. It’s a coin toss.

It appears as though the cancer has come back and has invaded my lungs. Please let me reiterate that it is NOT lung cancer but skin cancer of the lungs. They are not 100% positive that the spots that showed up on the CT scan are cancer, but it is highly likely. I can, if I so choose, put my poor little body, thru yet another risky procedure to prove that it is in fact cancer, or adopt a wait and see attitude. Radiation is still an option for me to HOPEFULLY insure that the cancer doesn’t come back on my chest wall/cavity, but that too is a guess. So, I am faced with the decision of tethering myself to the hospital for the next six weeks for the treatment that has absolutely no guarantee that it will work. They don’t know if it will help me or not. . It might, it might not. And the might not is the scary part. It is again, just a toss of the coin

This whole thing has come down to a quality of life issue for me. How far do I allow “them” to go to keep my physical body on this earth? When is it time to say, enough is enough? Do I let them do a biopsy of the spots in my lungs, thus putting myself “at risk” as they so gently put it? And even if they prove it is cancer, then what? They don’t know “what”! Because my cancer is so rare, they don’t know what to do with me. There is no literature out there, no case studies, and no statistics to help the doctors make an educated opinion as to what to do. It is a coin toss.

Heads or tails? Heads, I have my freedom to feel well until Mr. C thoroughly takes over. Tails, I get to be radiated and suffer the side effects of that with no guarantee of it helping one iota….plus giving up 6 weeks of my life for the small hope that it will hold the cancer at bay. If only they knew! If only they could say 50/50 or even 30/70% chance but they can’t! All they can say is, “We don’t know.” Do I want to give up six weeks of what appears to be my shorten life to an “I don’t know” or just carry on as is? Toss the coin again.

I am hitting the one year anniversary of my first of four surgeries to rid my body of the horrid, invasive disease. I have lost time for my work, I have lost time for my personal pleasure, I have lost time just LIVING due to the recovery from all that has been done to me. I am just now feeling “normal” from my last surgery. I want to get on with life, get on with living, instead of letting Mr. C dictate my life.

Those of you that know me well know that Dad went thru hell to squeeze out a few more days of life. He succeeded, but the quality was awful. Also, remember how we tried to “save”my husband? It didn’t work. His quality of life was horrid. Do I want to end up like either one of those important men in my life? No! Do I want to end up in a nursing home because “they” tried to save my life? No!

Probably all of you are asking yourselves, well how long has she got. They don’t know. With treatment, they don’t know, without treatment, they don’t know. It truly is a toss of the coin.

As an artist, one of the greatest joys of creating a piece of art is the problem solving that is required in the execution of the piece. I am a problem solver, but this problem seems to have no solution. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. It is most frustrating not being able to solve this biggest problem of my life/death. Toss the coin.

Palliative care is, as I see it, the only “solution” to the problem. I want to leave this earth with dignity, grace, and strength of character. I tossed the coin. It was heads. Time to get off the merry-go-round. I took the last ride. I am walking thru the rest of my life.

Category: Life

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Posted Jun 8, 08 by LeighRichards (

)
I'm sad for your friend, and the decision is one only your friend can make. It's a tough one to be sure.
The letter is brilliantly written, and one I will copy and keep.

My thoughts and prayers are with your friend. Please send me the first name, so I can add your friend to my prayer list.

Posted Jun 2, 08 by RipplingWaters
Thanks so much Cam, yes i would get off the merrygoround and go on with my life. And be posative for sure. Thanks my friend xoxo

Posted Jun 1, 08 by RipplingWaters
Thanks a buch Mike. love ya !!!!

Posted Jun 1, 08 by RipDiction (

)
We wish her the best and good luck with everything.

Posted May 30, 08 by RipplingWaters
Thanks So very much Barb. Deeply appreciated. Hugs to you

Posted May 30, 08 by RipplingWaters
Thanks for keeping her in your prayers Charmaine.

Posted May 29, 08 by RipplingWaters
Thanks Charmaine, Yes you are here for me I know. And I will be here for you Always. Love ya girl.

Posted May 29, 08 by LadyChars (

)
Oh my gosh Joanne I am so sorry about your friend..I know that you are really close to her....I am sorry, I will pray daily..and if you need a shoulder to cry on I am here for you always.....you know us we are always crying on one another's shoulders.....I hope my some miracle that she come thru this, but she may pass on, and I am here for you.....I know that chemo and radiation is so hard on a person and sometimes people just want to go rather than suffer....and always remember, if she passes she will be in heaven and become your guardian angel....love you...and please remember I am here for you anytime...love you dear....Char xoxo