Blog: soulseeker69 on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 40
Sign: Capricorn
City: Baden-Württemberg
Country:

	Today	Week	Total
Posts	0	0	143
Comments	1	1	48
Views	19	142	15,810
Thumbs Up	2	2	70

Blog Archive

MONDAY, MAY 18, 2009 (10:54 PM)

Return to soulseeker69's blog

Looking for a new place to live

Do you know that feeling, when life has come to a standstill and all you do becomes daily routine? I have had that feeling for quite a while now. But with an astounding fiddling teenager on my hands, studies in academics ahead, two jobs and many projects going on I really haven’t had the time to do more profound thinking.

But the urge keeps growing inside me. I’m like a tiger in a cage – round and round it goes. At some point I had panic attacks and swindle. So I went to the doctor’s and he gave me pills. That was in 2003. The pills did the trick and I kept going. At some point the pills didn’t work anymore and I went to the doctor’s again. And got some more pills. They helped too, but made me awfully tired and lazy.

So at some point last month I threw the pills away. Three days hell arose as my brain tried to get it’s stability back. But I made it. It’s dangerous, I know. But I just was at a point at which I had to make some choices.

I could go on as I was doing – with more and more pills – finally ending in an addiction and in a blurry, tired mind. Or I could listen to my body, listen to my soul and finally let things go. And that’s just what I did. I gave up any resistance to let loose. My attacks are signals that something is not right. I understood that only by letting them come and go, without paying too much attention to it, things would ease.

In fact they did. I’m on a new track now. I made the choice to live. Whatever it takes to do it. So at first I took care of a few things which had been undone for a long time. I cleaned the house and made room. I threw a truckload full of old things away.

I decided to let life’s stream take me wherever it wants me to go. What shall be, shall be. I will sell my car and travel by train. I will downgrade my clothing and retire to my privacy. I have learned, that happiness can only be found inside myself – no material good what so ever can give true pleasure – nor can any consumptive relationship for that matter.

“Sapere aude”, said Immanuel Kant – have the courage to think freely and the new. Accept the flow of life. Don’t fight a fight you can’t win. It’s useless. Change the little things you can change and trust in the good nature of being. Don’t be a sheep, be the Shepard.

So I’m looking for a new place to live. Maybe in the States, some northern state would be nice, maybe Canada. Or Switzerland.

Regardless where – my profession as a web programmer and a writer makes it possible to work over the internet from everywhere.

So come, wind of change! Come and carry me to the next task – the next challenge.

As I wrote earlier, some being is around, and we (that is my daughter and me) are feeling it clearly. We’ve talked about moving – she’s learning English voluntarily(!) now. LOL.

Comes time, comes advice – says an old Jewish saying. And comes you, I’ve been so long waiting for.

Category: Life

374 Views | 2 Thumb Up | 1 Comment

Add Comment | Email

Comments & Responses

Post Comment

Posted May 19, 09 by AnaHeart (

)
Wow, good luck!! Thank you for the quotation "Sapere aude" I wish you and your daughter great happiness.