Blog: namtab8002 on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Male
Age: 40
Sign: Leo
State: Oklahoma
Country:

United States

Email Blog to a Friend

	Today	Week	Total
Posts	0	0	30
Comments	1	1	12
Views	15	46	1,981
Thumbs Up	2	2	17

Blog Archive

2008

April

hospital
weird laws
news#2
DSL internet
trivia#1
inventions

March

SUNDAY, APRIL 6, 2008 (6:57 PM)

Return to namtab8002's blog

news#2

(I'm feeling jubilant)

REFLECTIONS
by
John Holthe
Babysitting:
The most effective birth control
device ever invented.

I have a couple of announcements to make before I get started with this week's journey into silliness. First of all, I apologize for not writing a column for last week. I had a little brain drain because I was worried about my good friend Mary Blackmon who has had to spend the last couple of weeks at the Jackson County Memorial Health Hotel because she wasn't feeling well. She is now in a hospital in Lawton and I hope all of you readers will pray for her to have a speedy recovery. The second announcement I need to make is that, due to a paper shortage at the dictionary factories, all the words that begin with the letters q, x and w are no longer part of the English language.
Speaking of words, I saw an advertisement for some golf clubs at the college gym yesterday that was worded kind of oddly. The ad described the golf clubs as tailor-made. When I read that I was like, "Why would a tailor be making golf clubs?" Shouldn't the sports industry be in charge of that? I guess the tailor decided that there was enough clothing in the world already so he put up his sewing machine and started making golf clubs. Another ad that looked a little weird is the one that announced that "Kids can have X-mas breakfast with Satan on Dec.25th". I can't think of a better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than to have breakfast with the Anti-Christ, can you?
Another devillish headline I came across said "Couple from Hell wins Halloween lottery". I don't know about you readers, but I think winning $100,000 ought to make Hell a little more Heavenly, wouldn't you agree? At least they would have enough money to purchase the items that were listed in a recent "Things for sale" ad. I think this ad wins the "Vaguest ad" award. The guy who wrote this either wanted to save money by not listing each item individually or he actually didn't know what he was selling. Speaking of ads, the ads for the paper towels called Bounty call it the quicker, picker-upper. Doesn't that sound like a product that depressed people should buy? "Did you spill some juice? Did your girlfriend dump you? Well, try Bounty paper towels. They will clean up your mess and put you in a good mood at the same time."
If you don't want to be in a good mood then the ad selling a "pro pain tank" might be one you are interested in reading. I get the strangest feeling that the Marquis De Sade wrote this ad. A news headline I found stated that a "Historian finds oldest recipe for bratwurst". It's not exactly the Lost Ark of the Covenent, but it's a good start. I think the historian was going through my mom's recipe books when he found it. Well, this time change has me all screwed up and I am late for a very important date with my bed. Before I go, I'd like to print these jokes sent to me by Helen Suskie.
1. A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
2. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire : " A Billionaire"
3. Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Category: News and Politics

87 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments

Add Comment | Email

Comments & Responses

Post Comment

There are no comments yet.
Click Post Comments to add a comment!