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Parenting An Adult
(I'm feeling thoughtful)
Recently, my role as a parent has been changing. Not only with my son going to live with his dad, but also with my adult daughter who lives on her own, and has a child of her own. Even though she's out and making a go of life on her own, I have felt the need to be the source of comfort and compassion, and guidance, through it all, continually trying to make life better for her. The stresses that came with that were so very unbearable, and I really didn't know why it would be that way.
I always want to be comfort to my children, but what I didn't realize is that I was trying to make it all better, when it certainly is not in my power to do so. It's not like a skinned knee, that can just be patched up and hugged better. The wounds are different now, and they go deeper than just a few layers of skin. I guess that's why it hurt me so badly to not be able to make things better for her.
Seeing people that I love suffer and be distraught is not easy for me. Not one bit. So my desperation to make things better took my senses over, and I had been trying so hard to make changes that I could not make. Changes that only God and my daughter can make.
I offer advice to a lot of people, and I try to be compassionate when I do so. I use my faith as a standard, and it is no secret to my daughter how I feel about things. The strength that I have gained through loving God is priceless to me, and what I think hurts my heart so much is, no matter how many words I say or type to the matter, it can't make anyone truly understand how amazing it has been for me, and that it's available for everyone to have.
My daughter is facing some great challenges in life at the moment. And my deep desire to help and console, and to make things better has turned into a situation that puts me between a rock and a hard place. I do however have a place to go, and that's to God. I have to realize that only He can change things in her life, and only she can make those steps to do so. That is very painful for a parent.
As much as it hurts my heart to not do anything, it is in fact nothing that I need to do. I can offer words of encouragement and support, but I can do no more. It's not in my hands anymore. The precious child that God entrusted to me, is now an adult, with her own free will, and her own responsibilities. I have to trust that what I have taught her will come to her mind, and make sense to her, as she is on her journey through being an adult and parent. And all of us adults know how hard that journey can be.
Letting go of having to be responsible for our children, when they become adults, I think is the greatest challenge that a parent has to make. It is hard to send them to school the very first time, and it is hard to see them grow into teens that turn against you, and it's even far more difficult to realize that the job as a parent has changed. The need for a parent doesn't go away, it just changes. It's deeply wounding to see your child slip and stagger through trials and problems, knowing that you can't just sweep them up into your arms and rock them into feeling better about life. What I can tell you is, that if you can't let go, and you continue to be the comforter, and the one to make things just right for your child, it will bring far more hurt to your own heart, than if you had just let go in the first place.
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