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Age: 40
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State: Oklahoma
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2008

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SUNDAY, APRIL 6, 2008 (6:52 PM)

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trivia#1

(I'm feeling amused)

REFLECTIONS
by
John Holthe
Bedlam(pronounced "Bedlamb)
That's the sheep people count while trying to
go to sleep at night.

Hello there! I'd like to wish all of you readers a belated Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you had as much fun as I did. This year was one of the more literal Thanksivings I've had since I spent most of the holiday saying "Thanks" to all my friends and family who were giving me gifts. In one week, I got an IPOD from my friend Laura "Missy" Owens, a digital camera from my sister Cathy and a wireless keyboard from my brother Sam. Evidentally, these three people agree with my theory that World Peace can be attainned by keeping me happy and well-stocked with the latest technological doo-dads...which is the layman's term for thingofamajiggers.
Speaking of gifts that friends have given me, I recently rediscovered a trivia book that was given to me by my friend that goes by the name Catfish Hunter. At least, I think it was her that gave it to me. If not, then I apologize for giving credit to the wrong person. Anyway, I thought it would be cool to share some of the 2201 trivia facts that are listed in the book. If you readers enjoy this type of column, pelase let me know and I'll do more of them in the future. If you don't then please pay me 15 million dollars in small, untraceable bills and I'll never talk about trivia for the rest of my life.
The first trivia fact in the book says that an extinct species of kangaroo reached a height of ten feet and had a head the size of a Shetland pony's. Another little known fact about kangaroos is that they can join the military, but can only rise to the rank of Captain. Some of you readers may not know that the baby kangaroos actually live in a pouch that is on the mommy's tummy. I would have loved to see the reaction of the first person to see a mother kangaroo hopping around with the baby's head sticking out of the pouch, wouldn't you? I bet that's when the phrase "Two heads are better than one" was first said.
The next trivia fact says that greyhounds have the best eyesight of any breed of dog...which probably explains why you never see them wearing glasses. Of course, if you readers remember how dogs greet each other you'll know why every other breed of dog is grateful for their poor eyesight. Another animal fact I found said that there is a peak in Canada's wildlife population every 9.6 years. This is similar to the peak in the human population that happens 9 months after the power goes out for more than thirty minutes. Speaking of wild-life, I read that a rodent's teeth never stop growing. It's a good thing that this doesn't happen to humans or their dentist bill will be another thing that never stops growing.
Speaking of speaking about stuff, the book said that there were about 500,000 stray cats and 1 million stray dogs in New York City. Unfortunately for all of the local politicians, none of them can vote. The book also said that Americans spend 5.4 billion dollars on their pets each year. That's almost the same amount of money I spent filling up my gas tank since last May. Speaking of something not related to money, I read that elephant herds have sentries and when they sense danger, they raise their trunks and the whole herd is alerted to the danger even if the herd is half a mile away from the sentry. This must be the elephant version of a cell phone. "Can you hear me now? Look out for that tiger and bring me some peanuts!"
Well, that's all I have for now. There are 368 pages left in the book so I should have enough material for another column or two in the future. Before I go I want to share a joke with you that was sent to me by a friend of mine who doesn't want her name in the paper. If you'd like to send me a joke then write me at joenathan37@yahoo.com.
Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died.1st woman:"I froze to death." 2nd woman: "How horrible!" 1st woman: "It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm, and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?" 2nd woman: "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV."
1st woman:"So what happened?" 2nd woman: "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!"
1st woman: "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive."

Category: Writing & Poetry

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