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Age: 40
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2008

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SUNDAY, APRIL 6, 2008 (6:59 PM)

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weird laws

(I'm feeling mischievous)

REFLECTIONS
by
John Holthe
Medical advice#498:
Never swallow a tadpole.
You might end up with a frog in your throat.

Before I get started on this week's ramblings I'd like to say "Happy Belated Birthday" to my new friend Mason Brand who is now one year closer to being a teen-ager. May God have mercy on his mother when this happens. I think I also need to apologize to Lance Larue for calling him Vance in last week's column. Some of you readers might remember me asking Mr. Larue to forgive me for not knowing how to spell his last name in last week's column. Well, according to some of the email I have recieved it looks like I spelled his first name wrong as well. Hopefully, Mr. Larue will realize this was just an innocent mistake and not run over my car with his monster truck which sounds like it's a vehicle that should only be driven by Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolf Man, doesn't it?
Speaking of names, I found a couple of interesting names among the participants of the 2007 World Series. The Boston Red Sox has a player named Coco Crisp which sounds like he was born in the cereal aisle of a grocery store, doesn't it? I don't think his parents intended to name him Coco. I think his mother was asked, "What are you going to name him?" at the same time someone asked her "What do you want for breakfast?" and they got the replies mixed up. The person making her breakfast probably spent hours looking in cook-books, saying, "Where the heck am I going to find a recipe for Joseph Malone Crisp?" The Colorado Rockies has a player with the last name of Torrealba which sounds like an arm injury to me. "The poor guy can't play for the rest of the season because he has a Torrealba."
I also found some interesting laws that the participants have to obey. For instance, in Boston, there is a law that states that "No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car." I wonder how many Bostonians are actually affected by this law? Are there actually people in Boston griping about this law? "Oh man! This stinks! Now I'm going to have make a new car-pool seating chart! Sorry, Jojo, but you have to sit in the front from now on." There is another law that says that "Tattooing and body piercing is illegal." I agree with the body piercing part of this law...especially if it's my body that you are trying to pierce with a kitchen knife.
Here's a law from Colorado that is kind of interesting: "Catapults may not be fired at buildings." So, does this mean houses are fair game? I think having a catapult would be kind of fun and it can be used in many ways. You don't like your in-laws? Just wait till they're asleep, strap them in and pull the lever! "Say good-bye to grandma, kids!" You late for work? Well, just aim the catapult toward where you work and hang on! You might be kind of sore when you arrive, but you won't be late. In Vail, Colorado, It is illegal to crash into obstacles on a ski slope....it's also really painful so don't do it.
One thing that I don't want to do is to run out of room before I could print this very funny joke sent to me by my best friend who doesn't want her name in the paper. If you have something funny you want to send or if you just want to contact me, email me at joenathan37@yahoo.com. I hope you enjoy the joke. I had to shorten it a bit, but I think it's still funny.
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were 85 years old and had been married for 65 years. They were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the past ten years. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold with a fully-stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. "This will be your new home," said St. Peter. Mr. Johnson looked out the window and saw the finest golf course he had ever seen. Next to the golf course was a club-house that served a lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts and free-flowing beverages.
"Where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea," asked Mrs. Johnson. St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven! You can eat and drink whatever you want and you'll never get fat or sick." Mr. Johnson asked, "So, this means that we never have to go to the gym or test my sugar levels or check my blood pressure?" "Nope," St. Peter replied, "All you do here is enjoy yourself." Mr. Johnson glared at his wife, "You and your health foods! We could have been here ten years ago!"

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