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Wham!

FRIDAY, MARCH 6, 2009 (6:49 AM)

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Wham!

(I'm feeling apathetic)

When Size Matters

It's times like these, if I could do one more thing before I die, I would offer to represent the Airline ProBono:

As Defense attorney for the airline..
My closing argument would be something like this:

Whether each of you accepts the theory of evolution or not,,,doesnt matter in this equation.

Take that out of the equation entirely and let's discuss how human beings reach a certain size at adulthood in a range that is determined by several factors and anything outside this range must be looked at further for causal relationships.

We all know that early man was quite smaller, however, we weren't designing airliners for early man. Airline designers took into account this wide range of body mass in their design of airliner accomodations. As it turns out, the vast majority of civilization is able to take part in airline travel due to this thoughtful process.

Even if human beings are evolving.. and a correlation can be drawn between advancement/increased ease of daily living and SIZE... hence, growing larger over millions of years....

It would be impossible to surmise that human beings have evolved to reach an average size of 400-700 lbs'. ?

Purely theoretically, it would require the vast majority of human beings on the planet to subcribe to a completely sedentary lifestyle. To be fed abundant amounts of food during most of the waking hours, doing nothing more than eating and sleeping. That would demand that no one get a job, go to work or school, and someone else would have to be paying to house and feed these people, so let's let that one go for now (oh wait, we're steadfast on our way there already, but I digress) .

Of course, there would be no courtroom for you to be sitting in right now, if that were the case. I certainly couldn't be here today.

Therefore anyone who choses to abuse their body in such a way that it makes them incapable of normal movement and taking up a more than adequate amount of space in the universe, has earned himself the right to pay for the extra space he must have in order to accomodate his rotting sickly corpse which the rest of us are already paying grand amounts in healthcare costs to keep alive.

I hope you the jury will vote with your head in this case, and grant my client the right to charge a human being who never moves even if he drops the remote...for an extra seat if he suddenly decides he thinks he wants to travel the world and somehow we are to make that possible when he cant even get himself from his lazyboy to the mailbox.

I rest my case

Category: News and Politics

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