What..who..am i?

A musician? A singer? A jock? A prep? A nerd? A geek? A nobody? Just a good friend? In the middle? 

I've been noticing for a couple years now, that I don't think the same like the other ppl at my school. I noticed but didnt think about it. I thought i was like everyone else.

You kno when ur in junior high and u try everything u can to fit in? I did that..but when we got to high school and everyone started drinking and stuff i stayed away from it. I'm still friends with everyone at school. I like talk to them and stuff but dont hang out with them outside of school because of the stuff they do. 

I've always been friends with a certain group of people. But as months went by in high school, so did friends. They slowly left our little group because they wanna fit in. I got angry because i thought it was so dumb and immature to do that but at the same time i still loved and cared for them and i still let them now that im here no matter what. 

The past couple of years ive slowly been drifting from my senior friends and becoming great friends with the juniors and underclassmen. Some of my best friends are underclassmen. And of course that makes me look so dumb and not cool. I could care less wut they think of me. I love these kids. Theyve made my senior year!

I get so angry sometimes when im at a lunch table before school starts with a bunch of seniors and they start talkig about so of my great friends. Sometimes i get angry at them just because theyre so dumb! I dont get it tho! Theyre jokes, theyre stories, theyre hobbies..i dont get it! Everytime they all talk about stuff i sit there and just wonder what the hell theyve been smoking..

Am i just way more mature than them or something? Or is it just that i have better morals and values? 

We have an advisory group where all the grades are split up into different classrooms to do stuff for like 40 minutes. Well my advisory is full of seniors..obviously..but seniors im not all good friends with. I just dont really talk with them. At all..and i sit there..all by myself..listening to their conversations about the next party or complaining about something really dumb or talking about..i dont even kno how to explain it. And i feel just left out. And its not even then that i feel left out. I feel left out of my whole school. I dont feel like i belong here. well..ik i dont. i mean i am leaving here soon..but not soon enough.

I dont fit in any certain cliq or group..not that i want to but i dont. I could be with a bunch of sophomores that like video games cuz i love video games! but they really get on my nerves sometimes....i could be with the preps cuz of the way i dress! but they like to drink and i dont drink....i could be with the nerds or geeks cuz im really into school and reading and stuff! but theyre not involved in anything and im really involved in extra curriculars. 

And its not even just that its also the way i think. Not to brag but i just seem way more mature than everyone else. My thinking doesnt seem of this world sometimes. Maybe my thinking could be because of my religious background. I don't know. 

Dont get me wrong. Im not trying to fit in. I just wanna kno what i am. who i am. Well..ik im Hannah Losh lol. And I wonder..what am i doing with my life?? Why do i do what i do? Why is it that i think this way and why is it that i dont really have any friends at my school? All my friends are out of state or on Livevideo. 

I have no clue where this vlog is going. I wish i could put into words what i was thinking...i tried anyways...

Thank you for reading!