Blog: Ilavakamehtnod on LiveVideo.com

Gender: Male
Age: 20
Sign: Scorpio
City: Pennsylvania
State: Pennsylvania
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Where I wanna be version 2.5

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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2, 2008 (11:00 PM)

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Where I wanna be version 2.5

(I'm feeling blank)

It's amazing how the masterful workings and intertwinings of life can make you change you state of mind in a span of two days. This is titled where I wanna be version 2.5 because this is a combination of previous thoughts that i was going to write about on two seperate occasions and I realized just now that they are extremely related. So I decided to write about this.
I am the type of person that will easily help a friend or someone in need whether it be emotionally or otherwise. On the other hand I am extremely hesitant when asking others for help. That is because as much as I talk to people I am a secretive person, and people only know what I want them to know. I don't reveal secrets, which makes me a trusting person and I usually don't discuss any one's business with anyone else which is maybe why people come to me at times.
Right now I don't know how this is gonna tie in with my other blog idea, but it will dammit. Ok so back to this( BTW I like writing using stream of consciousness because it's the most effective way to get words out,) Back on point
Previously i was going to write about how right now i am not looking for a job, nor am I looking to take summer courses. This is primarily because I am a free spirit and I enjoy having freedom and right now is the time where I do not need to be tied down to a job. i am not in a dire need of money. I have enough. I mean I am the type of person to be ready to do shit at a moment's notice, unless I'm commited to something else and I enjoy that. I hate planning ahead because it just annoys me and it limits ur options. I am happy with where I am right now and the freedom I have at the moment. I noticed that people my age or older looking for a job, buying shit they don't need and doing all kinds of other shit lack the peace of mind that I have and the knowledge of self I acquired through my life experience. Not to sound like an asshole but being that I can usually see right through people and know what kind of person they are without saying a word to them, I have yet to find another person who is at peace with themselves. (ok I changed my wording midway through so the beginning of the sentence doesn't make sense) But anyway I really believe that at the point I am at in my life is where you need to do your soul searching and discover who you really are and not struggle with your own identity the rest of your life. Some people may see me as negative sometimes, but I am at a point where I break down my thoughts logically and I break down things that I should or shouldn't do to a logical sense. I'm limiting the bullshit in my life right now. The point of this being I am happy with my life right now. I do not wish to be older, i do not wish to be working, I am happy with my position in my life right now. I know who I am, i know what I want to do with myself right now, I know how to make money if I need to, I know stuff about myself that many people i know don't know about theirselves and I know that putting tons of unecessary bullshit in your life is not going to push ur problems away.
Now here comes the counter of sorts of what I just said. Right now I'm overburdened, and everything's piling up for the time being. Usually I would just perservere through without saying a word, but I think I found my limit. Right now I'm working on shit for school, papers, art projects, extra curricular stuff and what not. As time progresses it gets more fucking hectic. Much toward the way I am is that I try to help, but it's to the point where people are volunteering me for shit and expecting me to do it and I'm just about to go out of character and say fuck you go die burn in hell ect. FUCK COMMAS. just sayin. But anyway right now I just need to get the fact that I'm working hard and for the next two or three weeks I'ma be busting my ass. i wish there was a fast forward button. I need to get through this shit. I say this is a counter of sorts because I was just thinking of how great my position of life is right now, but on the other hand I want to fast forward time. Life's a bitch aint it?

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